Nov 9

Mara,

I’ve gone to CT for the weekend. Remember that woman I met at the party? She’s invited me up. See you Monday.

Ethan

Nov 11

Mara,

I’m writing you because I have to tell someone and there’s no one here to talk to. Sophia is AMAZING! She might be the most magnificent creature I’ve ever met. She’s beautiful, talented, intelligent. She’s everything a man could want. Why she’s with me I have no idea. I feel so inept around her. She definitely outclasses me. I’ll probably not be showing you this note, but I had to write it down. She’s incredible.

Ethan

Nov 20

Ethan,

I’m sorry, dear heart, but I won’t be able to play this weekend. I’ve been called away to London. The producers of a new play want to meet with me about their script. I know you were looking forward to the weekend, as was I, but I promise to make it up to you.

S

Nov 21

Mara,

Gone to London. See you Monday.

Ethan

Nov 28

Mara,

I’m writing to let you know that I have to go away for a while. Sophia needs me and I feel I must be there for here. I’m not sure how long I will be gone, or even if I will be able to call or write. If you don’t hear from me for a while, trust that it is a customs issue, not that I don’t want to speak to you. I’ll be fine. I know what I’m doing. I really think Sophia might be the one. I know it sounds strange hearing that from me, but it’s true. Don’t worry though, I’ve already told her that you are my first love and that nothing shall come between us. I miss you, sis. Try not to burn the apartment down or anything while I’m gone.

Love,

Ethan

PS – Don’t worry, I’ve already arranged things at work. Trust me.

Nov 30

Mara,

I wish I could tell you what a strange world I have stepped into. I guess I didn’t quite know what I was doing after all. It seems Sophia has involved me in far more trouble than I anticipated. If I have any hope of getting this letter to you, I can be no more specific than that. Otherwise they will not allow me to send it.

I can say I am not alone. There are approximately one hundred like me in the same situation. We are being trained for some sort of war. I’ve never seen such a ragtag outfit. I hope to tell you more about it in person soon. They say we will return to NY after out training is finished. I miss you terribly. Hope you are well.

Ethan

Dec 9

Mara,

Get out of NY! Trust me. I can’t explain what is happening, but I can assure you that NY is not a safe place to be at the moment. Go stay with Father, or in CT, but GET OUT OF NY! I desperately hope they will allow me to send this to you. Please, Mara, this is not a joke. Bad shit is going down and I don’t want you anywhere near it. I am doing what I can to try to secure things for you, but they will not let me call. This letter is my only hope. Do not hesitate. Do not wait a day. By the time this gets to you it may be too late. Just pack a bag and leave. I will contact you as soon as I can.

I love you, Sis.

Ethan

PS – Say NOTHING to Father about this. Please. It is not something I could ever explain to him. If you go there, make up a reason, but do leave NY.

Dec 12

Mara,

I don’t know if you received my last letter of not. I hope you did and you heeded my pleas. This one I will not even attempt to send. Hopefully you would not be home to receive it anyway. I’m writing this for myself. Trying to make some sense out of the past two weeks. Last night especially.

First off, it must be said that I am no longer human. At least not in the living, breathing sort of way. I still feel the same in my head and my heart, but everything about me has changed. I no longer here my heartbeat. I know that I was never really aware of the sound of my heartbeat, but now I am painfully aware of the absence of that beat. It’s most unnerving.

I guess I am technically dead. Or undead, as it were. That being the case, then what I did last night could not be considered killing. You can’t kill something that’s already dead. But I know I still think of myself as alive. So the creatures I killed probably thought the same. Either way, I ended their existence. And I did so without remorse. At least at the time. Now I am not so sure.

I am involved in a war. I am a soldier. Soldiers kill. There’s nothing immoral about that. The immoral part comes in the fact that I enjoyed doing it. I enjoyed the battle. I enjoyed the kill. It felt… right. As if this is what I’ve been missing in my life. This action. This test. Perhaps it is a manifestation of the rage that has been building in me the past two weeks. Kept as a prisoner, forced to train and fight for a cause I know nothing about. To destroy an enemy that has done nothing to me.

Mara, I ripped a man’s head off. Although I am told that this was not a man. It certainly didn’t look like a man by the time I destroyed it. It was some perverse creature of darkness. Just like myself. The other one I burned. I burned her while she was defenseless to ensure that she would pose no threat. It wasn’t even a question for me at the time. Just instinctual.

I fear that by the time this "war" is over, I may not be able to face you, Mara. I fear I may lose my humanity altogether. And be no better than the creatures I killed. What have I gotten myself into?