Ethan: "Come on, she just surrendered."
Nathaniel: "Who has surrendered to who?"
Parker: "Guns might not stop a vampire, but enough bullets will slow anything down."
Ethan, on feeding in Harlem: "Have you guys noticed we don't exactly fit in here?"
Ari: "What do you like?"
Sanchez: "Blood!"
Ari, on feeding: "Let's move on. No sense in leaving a pile of empties by the door."
Ethan: "They're humans! We're getting our asses kicked by HUMANS!"
Ari: "Oy vey."
Parker: "Yeah, we should have retreated fifteen minutes ago."
Parker: "Let's see, we've got one gun with bullets, one gun with none, a grenade, and a staked Malkavian. We're in trouble."
Ethan: "If we don't indulge the Malk, bad things happen."
Parker: "If this is what it looks like when we win, I'd hate to see us lose."
Parker: "Kimmy, do you know what a clan is?"
Kimmy: "Mmhmm."
Parker: "What's your clan Kimmy."
Kimmy: "MacDougal!"
Parker: [looks bewildered]
Kimmy: "I'm just kidding, I'm not really Scottish."
Rabbi Ari, on the other Tremere: "They don't exactly let me play the reindeer games."
Ethan: [sighs] "We just attacked an elder outside of Elysium right after court."
Cliff, on tactics for dealing with Malkavians: "But if you staked him and put him in a block of concrete, all he would experience for years would be concrete. He might go crazy!"
Cliff, the just-released neonate: "What's a blood bond?"
Nathaniel, to the others: "Shush!"
Nathaniel, to Cliff: "Um… nothing?"
Cliff, on Doctor Chinta: "What's he a doctor of?"
Parker: "Being an asshole."
Ari: "I will do my best to represent our clan."
Zero: "Yeah, well, just don't represent it too close to me."
Parker, to a bouncer, entering an upscale club in his jeans: "I really must get my suit back from the cleaners."
Jake, manager of the Copacabana: "You're not going to kill me, are you?"
Nathaniel: "No, I'd feel like shit for weeks."
Parker: "What the fuck is the Copacabana?"
Nathaniel: "It's a bad whorehouse."
Ethan, on why they have a rabbi in the gambling den: "We like to have the strength of God on our side when we gamble."
Ethan, on the police: "That's another element in our territory we should get to know."
Parker: "I'm certain that won't be a problem."
Ethan: "I'm going to have the hottest date at the party! Of course, I'm related to her."
Parker, refusing to give the Malkavian his shirt: "If you want to be crazy you got to do it with your own stuff."
Nathaniel, to Alice, who has recently lost her arm: "Need a hand?"
Nathaniel, moments later: "Oops, I mean, can we be of assistance?"
Alice: "I'm not crippled."
Nathaniel: "Um, yeah, I know."
Alice: "Good. Act like it."
Christine: "No party is quite a party without some Tremere."
Ari, in thick accent: "As I said, we are life of party."
Parker: "Everyone is being so hostile tonight."
Ari: "Says the Gangrel!"
Nathaniel: "It wasn't like 'Ooh! Garbage!'!"
Alice, to Cliff: "Ah, yes, Julia mentioned you."
Cliff: "Does she like me?"
Ethan: "Great. Yet another woman in this vampire world who HATES me."
Parker: "Why must you turn undead existence into a sitcom?"
Parker: "No violence is going to happen inside or outside of court. We did that last week."
Parker: "Get me a thousand toilet paper rolls, fifteen pounds of sugar, and a lot of string and I can make you anything you need."
Ethan: "Can we leave the vicinity of Elysium before we start talking about blowing things up?"
Cliff, to Parker: "Aren't you the same guy who suggested we do that Sabbat ritual last week?"
Parker, to Cliff: "I just want to warn you. If your roommate wakes up again, I'm going to kill him."
Ethan: "Roberto Giovanni. You know, the Italian guy!"
Ethan: "The rabbi told me last night that these Giovanni have sex with dead people!"
Cliff: "Don't you have sex with dead people?"
Ari, about Ethan's negotiating skill: "I respect you, I very much do, but you suck at it."
Cliff: "So then you stick the straw in the blood bag. . ."
Ethan: "It's a Capri Sun?"
Parker: "I'm sure this matter will resolve itself. I'm not saying it won't require some violence."
Parker: "Maybe the Nosferatu are like Moses. You know, plagues. Toads! Rats!"
Nathaniel: "If the Nosferatu were like Moses that would totally rock! Rivers to blood!"
Parker: "Yeah! Cockroaches!"
Parker: "If I were the Giovanni, I wouldn't like us either."
Ari: "You like stealing cars, we will run cars to Mexico."
Parker: "Actually, I don't like stealing cars. I just have to do it a couple of times a week."
Parker, on Mobea, his hideously powerful sire: "Anyone have any ideas on how to kill her?"
Jake, the random mortal NPC: "Are you here to take me to heaven?"
Nathaniel: "Uh, not yet."
Parker: "I'll take you there!"
Parker: "I may not know much about fucking, but I think you're trying to do it to us."
Nathaniel, to Christine: "Can I have your phone number?"
Christine: "Aren't you the one that likes to break things?"
[She gives him her phone number.]
Nathaniel, after Christine has just explained The Plan: "Please elaborate?"
Christine: "What specifically did you want me to elaborate on?"
Nathaniel: "Awww, crap."
Ethan, to Christine: "You've got my number."
Ari: "She certainly does."
Christine: "Hey Nathaniel."
Nathaniel: "What?"
Christine: "Come here for a second."
Nathaniel: [shaking head vigorously] "NUH-UH!"
Ari: "God damn it, if this big burly guy can't do anything else he can at least hail us a cab!"
Parker: "I can totally see why she'd want access to us. We're willing to do stupid, stupid things."
Ethan: "Would the two of you like to make use of the tailor?"
Parker: "Think they can make me a full-body black leather cat-suit?"
Nathaniel: "Says the Gangrel!"
Nathaniel: "Are you going to court?"
Pitt: "Nah. Are you?"
Nathaniel: "Yup. Should be more interesting than last week."
Pitt: "Hold on, hold on, I'm coming."
Nathaniel, on holding his (duct-tape-wrapped) arm in the sunlight: "It lasted a good three, four, maybe even five seconds before it started to smoke!"
Parker: "I'm going to regret this one. Do you want to play with me, Kimmy?"
Nathaniel, on joining the blood hunt for Mobea: "If one of you guys goes, that's fine, I can say you're an idiot. But if everyone goes then I have to go!"
Ari: "What are the terms of this duel?"
Parker: "I get to choose the weapons and I meet him as soon after sunset as possible. I have to go now, I haven't done anything with my hair."
Cliff, on hearing about the duel: "Should I bring the beer?"
Cliff: "You challenged him to a duel? What is your major malfunction, dude?"
Cliff, on faint praise: "Parker is almost, um, someone I like."
Von Brauer: "Will we be permitting the powers of the blood?"
Parker: "Yes! Um, I mean, no!"
Nathaniel: "Parker, this duel is so not getting me paint."
Parker, on ill-phrased apologies: "I'm sorry you couldn't protect your haven."
Nathaniel: "This was long and involved and didn't get me any paint!"
Elena: "Are you an artist?"
Nathaniel: "No, I paint."
Elena: "Would you do a flyer for us?"
Parker: "So I leave with a tree-trunk sized hole in my chest and I'm thinking this can't get any worse. Then I get home and there are eleven messages on my answering machine from YOU two and I know it can."
Cliff, on Parker's army service: "Were you a cook?"
Parker: "I don't kill people based on race, creed or religion. I'm an equal-opportunity kind of guy."
Ari: "So we have to assign the word Giovanni to something other than the Italian Mafia."
Parker: "I hate vampires."
Cliff: "You guys are in denial. I'm the one with the wet-wipes."
Parker: "There were people there. They seemed happy. I'm assuming Nathaniel's not around."
Parker: "If the government finds me stealing cars, they'll think I've moved down six or seven notches. They'll be so relieved!"
Parker: "I hate the crazy ones, I hate the ugly ones, and, no offense, but I hate the pretty ones."
Parker: "I am NOT naming my dog Mobea!"
Cliff: "Hey Kimmy, want to play doctor?"
Ethan: "She broke my arm!"
Parker: "Everyone seems to, sooner or later."
Parker: "Ari's a neonate Tremere. What does he know about anything?"
Ethan: "The authorities are coming. Who are they coming for?"
General chorus: "US!"
Parker: "Goodbye, Masquerade."
Cliff: "So then Ethan jumped off the top of a three-story building into the middle of the group of policemen and bared his fangs. We might have a Masquerade problem."
Ethan: "What time is it?"
Cliff: "About half an hour before you get your ass kicked by Ari."
Parker: "Last night we all went a little crazy."
Ari: "You mean a little fangy!"
Parker: "I was so good! No fangs, no powers. I just shot at the police."
Cliff: "A rabbi sitting in a BMW with a shotgun? I'd be scared."
Ari: "She is the object of my ire and will continue to be so until I kill her."
Ari: "How are you going to get the water to the fire?"
Cliff: "Well, I was going to drink a lot of it. . ."
Ari: "Your sire didn't teach you the traditions?"
Ethan: "Lots of blood-swapping, not much instruction."
Pitt: "I'm going to talk to the bikers. They have more class than you four do."
Parker: "If I got to go up to an elder and say, 'Hey, stop it!' and they have to do it, man, that would be great."
Parker: "I do the Mobea check: hit the deck, cover your head, and pray."
Ari: "He's a Setite ghoul."
Hannah: "Can I go home now?"
Hannah: "Setites are sensitive to light."
Parker, flexing his claws: "I bet there's something else they're sensitive to."
Parker: "There's something oddly menacing about the name Gran'ma Toad."
Parker, to Ari: "You drive like an Orthodox rabbi!"
Parker: "Mortals never follow us around longer than necessary when I'M in charge."
Hannah: "It wasn't so much coming clean as getting caught."
Parker: "Great. I'm leashed to the Camarilla's rear bumper."
Ari: "He wanted ten thousand dollars."
Parker: "What for? Wait, me too!"
Parker: "If we were the aid the Nosferatu were promised, Jan was full of it."
Parker: "So they put us in a situation where they expect us to die and we don't. This gives them the opportunity to dick us around for weeks at a time!"
Parker: "Ooh, rats! I am SO getting a shitty apartment in Queens."
Cliff: "Someone who owes you is more valuable than someone who doesn't."
Ethan: "Where do you get those cheesy sayings?"
Ari: "Fortune cookies!"
Cliff, after vomiting up an Oreo: "Do you know how high-fat those things are?"
Parker, to Ethan: "Let's see, there are the crazy ones, the ugly ones . . . so what's wrong with you?"
Ethan: "I think we're just supposed to feel things more deeply than other people."
Parker: "You're breaking my cold, dead heart."
Ari: "I feel so downtrodden. Let's go kill things."
Parker: "Finally, I've found a holy man who preaches a religion I can understand."
Ethan: "Lithuanian? I'm a little vain sometimes too."
Cliff: "Sounds to me like a classic case of somebody else's problem."
Cliff: "Often forgiveness is less pricey than permission."
Ari: "Do you know your local neighborhood werewolf?"
Ari: "Werewolves think of you as a regenerating chew-toy."
Ethan: "That's your plan? 'Get him'?"
Parker, to Sarah (a mortal staying with him): "Don't answer the phone. On second thought, answer the phone. I don't want you hearing any messages I might get."
Cliff: "Why don't we just recover the Cathedral and give it to the werewolves?"
Parker: "If you can dominate him not to use his oogy powers, I'll rip him a new one."
Ari: "I liberated some ammunition from the Chantry."
Cliff: "Do you HATE yourself, man?"
Cliff: "It's . . . Tremere blankie!"
Cliff: "So then we'll all be grouped together in one spot where we can't see. This is a GREAT idea."
Parker: "Rabbi, I hope there is a god. And if there is, I hope he's on our side."
Cliff: "That priest is going to have a heart attack if he ever sees us again!"
Parker, on coterie mottoes: "Obnoxious coterie: you stake 'em, we take 'em!"
Ari: "He's just annoying, he's not the Savior."
Ari, to Cliff: "You're very hung up on rules."
Cliff: "No, I'm hung up on my sire not beating the piss out of me."
Ethan, handing Parker the C4: "You know how to use this, right?"
Parker: "Um, it explodes, right?"
Ari: "So what are we going to do with this C4?"
Parker: "Well, I could mold it into a bust of Julius Caesar."
Parker, over Nathaniel's corpse: "I don't believe in God, but if there is one, he called this one home."
Parker: "We have business down here. There are plenty of Camarilla treasures to be looted."
Parker: "I strap the Gutenberg Bible to my back."
Cliff, on the skin monster: " … its movement tentacles, not its Kill-Parker tentacles."
Ethan, ditto: "I'm not trying to take its arm off, I'm just trying to see if it can learn."
Ethan: "The slime is NOT doing the trick!"
Ethan: "We have at our disposal a group of gang members who are very angry."
Hannah: "I can't think of anything to do that isn't a really, really bad idea."
Ethan: "Do you actually have any law experience?"
Cliff: "Well, I've seen Perry Mason a few times."
Christine: "I can't keep track of EVERYONE I annoy!"
Cliff: "I'm not French! I'm Brujah!"
Ethan: "Approaching the Prince directly has never really worked for us."
Cliff, to Ari after his month-long disappearance: "Where have you BEEN?"
Ari: "Take a guess."
Cliff: "Um . . . Lithuania?"
Parker: "We sure talk a lot, for the undead."
Ethan: "How did the prayer session go?"
Ari: "God's on my side. You're fucked."
Ethan: "You've got a lot of hate in your heart."
Parker: "Yeah, I'm tortured inside."
Stephen: "Can we go now? This is SO not getting me Poontang."
Cliff: "Here's the thing: I have a cow. I've had a cow for a while."
Hannah: "Please tell me you did NOT try to embrace a cow."
Cliff: "So we lure it to where we caught it before . . ."
Hannah: "You caught it?"
Cliff: "Well, it was stopped and trying to kill us . . ."
Hannah: "So we get some people who like killing things . . . like Parker! We strap a lot of explosives to him and let him go to town on this monster. Of course, this is going to take some convincing."
Hannah: "This Richard Mason guy seems like reasons are not on his list of favorite things."
Cliff: "Angel likes us because she has our souls in her back pocket."
Hannah: "You get a hundred thousand dollars a month and you bought a SUBURBAN?"
Cliff: "It's a white Suburban!"
Cliff: "You know, as a group, we have never gotten in trouble for over-planning."
Parker: "They're FBI anti-trust agents: Ventrue bait!"
Karen Avery, the FBI agent: "So you and your friend the doctor and your friend who doesn't talk much and your two friends who don't have last names have a package to deliver to someone you know nothing about."
Cliff: "See, the werewolf that I met was nice and fuzzy and fun to stroke!"
[dead silence]
Cliff: " . . . the cow-to-chemical ratio . . ."
Parker: "I didn't know the Sabbat charged for window work!"
Parker: "I'm burned!"
Hannah: "That's ALL your fault."
Parker: "I didn't know they were werewolves! I thought they were park workers! With shotguns!"
Angel: "The werewolves gave Cliff a name?"
Parker: "They named him 'Cliff'. Nobody should ever call werewolves dumb."
Parker: "You know how I delivered a message from Mobea? Well, that usually means property damage."
Parker: "Blood is like Jello!"
Cliff: "That man just destroyed my hat!"
Hannah: "How do we get rid of him fast?"
Ethan: "Introduce him to Howie."
Hannah: "The Brujah are big and strong, really fast, and . . . what else?"
Parker: "Damn sexy!"
Parker: "The road to hell is paved with good intentions . . . except in my case. For me it was paved with the skulls of infants."
Cliff: "Come on, we can take her!"
Ethan: "She can turn into a werewolf! What can YOU do?"
Ethan, explaining why shooting randomly into the air is a bad thing: "You know, bullets FALL! They come down at the same speed they go up!"
Hannah: "Yeah, but in another borough!"
Hannah: "How many years for breaking a mirror?"
Parker: "Seven."
Hannah: " . . . I've got seven years." [smashes the mirror]
Joanne the NPC: "Marty! She's got a gun!"
Hannah: "I have TWO guns . . . and I'm in PAIN!"
Julia: "Cliff didn't get his fashion sense from me. He didn't get his sense of humor from me either."
Parker: "Cliff, you don't have to be jealous. You're my favorite Brujah!"
Parker: "I'm going to eat your eyes."
Parker, a few minutes later: "If you don't shut up, I'm going to strangle you like a Brazilian whore."
Parker: "Well, well, well. The Cypress family is just a bunch of angels, aren't they?"
Ethan, smugly: "Just like the Parkers."
Parker: "Our little group of friends has two extremes: plan for hours without doing anything, or rush into delicate situations without planning at all."
Parker: "Everyone just relax. Pet my cat!"
Parker: "Score! My dog is pooping on a Toreador's couch!"
Cliff, on Mobea: "Can you say PSYCHO?"
Hannah: "Not on Staten Island!"
Cliff: "Why don't we just go talk to some Sabbat?"
Hannah: "How about we NOT EVER accuse an Archon of anything?"
Cliff: "We don't need to win the war this weekend."
Cliff: "You're a young lady who likes to carry a gun in her purse and you're walking across the bridge. Of course you're going to defend yourself like a red-blooded American citizen! Damn those oil-hoarding terrorists!"
Cliff: "We've got a lot of guns and nothing to point them at!"
Parker, on Hannah: "I don't know when she turned into such a fucking hippie."
Parker, on Cliff's illegal ghouls: "HOW many?"
Cliff: "Twelve. Shhhhh."
Parker: "Yeah, according to Mobea, lots of people are traitors."
Parker: "Max, fetch . . . my memories!"
Cliff: "Positive self-esteem is good in battle."
Hannah: "I never feel better than when I have a rocket launcher."
Cliff, on an unsecured cell phone, calling the Prince: "Hello, Your Majesty, this is your court physician."
Jan: "Excuse me . . . I couldn't hear you."
Cliff: "I said, Your Majesty . . ."
Parker: "MASQUERADE!"
Cliff: "Um, sir, this is your doctor calling . . . ?"
Jan, dominating Parker: "Where is your dog?"
Parker: "Being Fed-Exed to me. He's a very hardy dog."
Parker: "We put a dangerous person under a concrete pillar for fun."
Parker: "I love Pitt. Well, as much as I can love any English Prime Minister who becomes a vampire."
Jo: "We get to the bridge and THEN you tell me we're going to war?"
Hannah: "Way I see it, we're already dead, living on borrowed time. Why not take some risks?"
Jo: "Can I drive a boat? I'm from fucking England!"
Cliff: "I take my AK-47 and hop on the Staten Island Ferry."
Parker: "I got hurt pretty bad. There's going to be a lot of scarring. My lips almost got ripped off."
Sarah: " . . . Cool . . . yeah . . . well, I'm gonna go watch some TV . . ." [flees]
Kimmy: "I have to go finish mutilating my toys."
Kid: "The blood here is alcoholic."
Parker: "Great, and you've been living off it."
Parker: "I've never filled kegs before. Emptied a few, though . . ."
Cliff: "It wasn't Julia's choice."
Parker: "Seems like it's never her choice."
Zero: "Yeah, I've been in Jan's financial accounts for about six months."
Hannah: "WHAT?"
Zero, looking fearfully at Tremere elders: "Um, oh, nothing."
Cliff: "If we're close to anything, we are a virus. I mean, no one can really say if we're alive or not."
Stanislaw: "I don't know if anyone has ever told you this, but Pitt's crazy."
Cliff: "We were just testing each other for communicable diseases."
Stanislaw: "It's just a thrill a minute down at the clinic, isn't it?"
Cliff: "Oliver is Stalin. And we are the Irish Republican Army."
Hannah: "No, Cliff, you aren't getting me to take off any of my clothes."
Tyler, in Hannah's expensive apartment: "What exactly do you do to afford all this?"
Hannah: "I'm a dancer"
Tyler: "An exotic dancer?"
Cliff: "If you're looking for cheap metal, I know where you can get an unlimited supply of gold."
Eric, the fifteen-year-old werewolf: "I'm as much of a man as anyone here. I've fathered a child and I've killed a man."
Kimmy: "Do you want to play Transformers? They're more than meets the eye!"
Cliff, at the Socrates Club: "This place puts the 'suck' in Socrates."
Guard: "Ha, ha, ha, sir."
Tyler: "Is Cliff always on a soap box like this?"
Hannah: "Yes."
Kimmy: "Pitt says you can't have ice cream all the time, especially when you're lactose intolerant."
Christine: "I don't think Oliver can get it up anymore."
Cliff: "I could help him with that."
Cliff, quoting William Pitt the Younger: "A very great man once said, 'Where law ends, tyranny begins.'"
Pitt: "That's just what I've always said!"
Pitt: "It's probably better if you don't know, for operational security. At least that's what they call it in Tom Clancy novels."
Tyler: "Is Cliff going to be all right?"
Parker: "Yeah, he's just a big pussy."
Parker: "What do you think about Oliver Blackwell?"
Hannah: "I hate him!"
Parker: "Good, 'cause I think he banged you in the ass last night."
Cliff: "Celeste is evil. But she's so hot."
Parker, after Cliff has been dragged away by angry werewolves: "Do you have any idea how many favors I had to call in to get those werewolves to take him?"
Tyler: "You know, I've only used this credit card to buy pet food. It's almost maxed out."
Tyler [re: Sarah the mortal]: "How does she not know?"
Paker: "Well, vampires aren't the first thing that comes to mind"
Tyler: "Dude, you've got blood in your fridge"
Parker: "Sarah, don't drink this"
Sarah: "Why not? Are you having a party?"
Parker: "Um… yea"
Sarah: "You have friends?"
Parker [about Blu, a gay bar]: – "A lot of my old army buddies hang out here"
Cliff: "Can I talk to you for a minute Stan?"
Stanislaw: "Stan?"
Cliff: "islaw."
Zero, the Tremere – "Do I look like a fucking Tremere? I'm the worst fucking Tremere there ever was"
Cliff: "Does anyone have Hill's phone number?"
Parker: " I'm sorry I didn't get it while I was trying to claw him."
Kidd: "Its 212-697-2319"
Parker: "What do you want to fight to?"
Cliff: "With your fortitude and my strength? Four thirty"
Story Arc 8
Parker: "Don't vampires & werewolves hate each other?"
Kidd: "Well, Lon Chaney & Bela Lugosi seemed to get along."
Parker: "Bloody battles to the death between family members: maybe I should have been a werewolf."
Hannah [re: going to the Cathedral]: "I'm not worried. It looks like you run slower than I do."
Parker: "I trust Hannah with highly flammable materials."
Tyler: "Why are we doubting that he could be a ghost when we were just walking in an underground cathedral full of sunlight that didn't burn us?"
Parker [on the Hannah – Nosferatu relationship]: "If I were Stavros, I'd probably like you too. I'd be thrilled if something with tits would talk to me."
Parker: "I'm touching my lung right now, but I'm ok."
Hannah: "It used to be like him being a bashful teenager. Now it's like Zen and the Art of Books I Can't Read."
Tyler: "I have no problem keeping secrets from them. I just don't like it when secrets are kept from me."
T: "Do you shoot everyone you meet?"
H [sheepishly]: "Not right away!"
Tyler: "Not everyone can talk to Oliver … he needs some time to do things other than conspire against us!"
Hannah: "Lasombra – think evil Ventrue."
Kidd: "That seems redundant."
Tyler: "So if I ever meet a vampire who is a member of a minority group, they're some weird clan or something?"
Kidd: "You say 'Find Pitt' as if that's something you can do. You don't find him. He finds you."
Tyler: "I refuse to go sweat another night while Kidd is sipping margaritas somewhere."
Tyler: "Pitt can't molest us all at the same time."
Sarah: "Are we taking the subway?"
Parker: "No. I'm sure I'll end up killing somebody."
Cliff [sincerely to Bill Nye the Science Guy]: "When I was in college & your show first came on, your show gave me the courage to find my own fashion sense."
Hannah: "That was the joke I was going to make."
Hannah: "I've got so many weapons in this dress. I can take out two or three dozen scientists before anyone can stop me!"
Cliff [re: the regent]: "I punched her all the way back to the Chantry!"
Parker: "Maybe you just have to drink different bodily fluids on different occasions?"
Cliff: "Hannah, I think you should give up projectile weapons for Lent."
Sarah: "What are you going to pay them with?"
Parker: "Money."
Sarah: "Where are we getting the money?"
Parker [to the group]: "We need some money."
Parker: "I'm going to have fighting hos!"
Parker: "I think Miss Avery has gotten herself back on that road."
Sarah: "What road?"
Parker: "The road to being in a box."
Ralph [homeless person]: "You too gonna fuck? Cause we can get out of here."
Kidd: "no"
Hannah: "No!"
Ralph: " Well, if you 'aren't gonna fuck', we'll just get outta here"
Story Arc 9
Kidd: " ... And her eyes started to bleed!"
Parker: "My sire threw me out the window during the daytime one time. Don't worry, I won't do that to you yet."
Parker: "I'm not married to reputable"
Oliver: "Please, I would be amused to let my primogen decide his fate."
Parker: "If Kate' disposition were any sunnier she'd die when she looked in the mirror."
Kidd [to Kimmy]: – "Are you?"
Kimmy: "[shrug]"
[that was hilariously funny, but it would take half a page of explanation.]
Kidd: "Can you turn the car around and back it to the river."
Cliff: "Why?"
Kidd: "We have… another passenger…"
Kidd: "The trap didn't go exactally as I planned."
Cliff: "You got the piss beat out of you?"
Kidd: "I got thrown out of a subway car and off a bridge. In the sunlight"
Kidd: "I'd like to negotiate from a position of advantage, she doesn't need to know we won't hurt her."
Cliff: "But she's in the back listening to us right now."
Kidd: "Oh"
Tyler: "You've met Ruben right"
Kidd: "Yea… so. Does he do tricks?"
Tyler: "Nevermind"
Cliff: "The only time we've pulled someone out of torpor we had to use elder Nosferatu blood, which I'm starting to run out of"
Cliff: "Why do you take your dog everywhere? I mean, I know you like your dog and all."
Tyler: "Rueben and I have a very special relationship. I don't think you could understand."
Xu: "I lived with Mobea for two hundred years. I kept her sane. How dare you think that I can't go there an look Oliver Blackwell in the eye? Get out of my sight."
Xu: "You can't take your friends into a war. And what's between me and Oliver Blackwell… its war"
Cliff: "I condem every single thing Pitt does, but I'm so glad he's doing it"
Tyler: "Have you talked to Cliff? I don't know what's going on, but he's enamored with trouble."
Tyler [on Cliff's Vissisitude] – "If Cliff is really doing this shouldn't we just tell him to stop?"
Parker: "I'm kind of looking forward to not being the bad guy of the coterie."
Parker: "Has there been any word from Hannah?"
Tyler: "I guess she ran out of people to shoot."
Parker [on Oliver] – "He's not just out to get us. He's a very smart devil-rous man and I'm going to kill him!"
Tyler [on the elder]: "Why did you bring Nikodemous here?"
Parker: "Because I'm very very stupid."
Parker: "I don't think we should talk about over political manipulation until after tomorrow night. For all we know not even our beloved Prince will still be alive."
Anthony: "How many of them are there?"
Chris: "About six."
Anthony: "I become a whirling dervish of claws and anger."
Anthony: "I've got Fortitude and I'm alone in a car. I see myself as something of a Storyteller bulls-eye."
Joe: "I'm all the way back up at injured. Haven't seen it for a while. Must be time to get shot again."
Chris: "This Malk -- oops, I mean the guy with the crazed eyes and the bulldozer."
Matt: "Now I'm pissed off. I give him a good hard shove."
Chris: "Your stake bounces off his skin."
Ben: "He must use great moisturizer."
Matt: "I'd put you out with my trenchcoat, but I used it last session as a rope."
Anthony: "I throw my arms around the Toreador in a passionate embrace."
Matt: "That must be an experience point if you get the ST to pull a noser*."
Joe: "It's four if she dies!"
Jessica: "That was the most disgusting thing that has ever happened to me."
[* Noser : [NO - sir] the noun form of the verb 'to snarf']
Matt: "Can you count True Love as a merit if it's with your sister?"
Joe, being frisked by several bodyguards: "I flaunt my guns and wealth."
Anthony: "I don't do anything like that at all!"
Jessica: "You have enough office supplies to do this easily."
Joe: "Okay, I lick a few bones."
Joe: "I could have used that rat!"
Matt: "How?"
Joe: "Well, I'm trying to make a torch."
Jessica: "The bones seem to get smaller as you go up."
Ben: "Great, we have an anal-retentive gravekeeper."
Anthony, who hasn't been in combat all session: "Damn. Maybe I can kill the dove."
Joe, looking at an old mystical symbol: "It's all Enochian to me."
Ben, on aforementioned mystical scrap of paper: "This is probably some Tremere anti-tribu's laundry list."
Anthony, on why he is raising his strength: "So I won't have to spend two blood points every ten minutes!"
Matt: "Just for fun, I cross the street REALLY FAST!"
Anthony: "I stand in traffic and don't get hurt!"
Isaac: "I piss off women!"
Matt: "I put a hundred dollars in his wallet."
Anthony: "Yeah, that's how rich people are funny."
Isaac: "Okay, shift to Crinos!"
[general panic]
Isaac: "That one gets 'em every time!"
Joe: "We're going to Home Depot. Trust us, this will be a quick narrative."
Chris: "I don't believe you!"
Joe: "Parker decided last session that you can make explosives out of toilet paper rolls, sugar, and string."
Isaac: "Can I roll my science to know that's wrong?"
Jessica: "You don't have to roll!"
Matt: "Linden Park is fuckin' concrete!"
Ben: "But it's green here on the map!"
Chris: "Killing your sire is one thing. Going to the STs and being like 'Yeah! Try to stop me, motherfuckers!' is something completely different!"
Anthony, upon realizing that others do not find Parker as attractive as he does: "I'm just a little narcissist."
Joe: "You're an uuuuugly little narcissist!"
Joe: "Okay, I wrap the duct tape around my arm and stick it in the sunlight."
Anthony: "I get to take the moral high ground today."
Joe: "Says the Gangrel!"
Joe: "I open the box -- it's Kimmy!"
Jessica: "There's a knock on the door."
Joe: "I'm under the bed. Fuck it."
Joe: "I did NOT just say to Alice, 'Well, I still have my arm.'"
Jessica, on drinking elder Brujah blood: "You feel a lot stronger. You feel a little faster. You feel a little more attractive."
Chris, on Tremere friendships: "Aww, you've been spending all this quality time with Zero."
Ben: "Yes. I'm going to get close to her and THEN I'm going to diablerize her."
Anthony: "Mobea must be sexually frustrated."
Jessica: "No. If Mobea wants to do you, Mobea can do you."
Anthony: "That's great. Parker is trying to kill Anthony."
Anthony: "This house protected by Protean 2."
Matt: "This will be referred to as the session where everyone slept together."
Anthony: "We went off to do Gangrel-Brujah things . . ."
Joe: ". . . which ended up being sex."
Anthony: "CLAWS! God, I love doing that."
Anthony: "I run. Not a cowardly run, a brave and manly kind of run."
Isaac: "I'll try it. What the hell, I've got a full blood pool."
Isaac: "Every time I miss a session you guys go kill something!"
Ben: "I can only imagine what a Tremere car alarm looks like."
Isaac: "Yeah, connect sigil A to parchment B."
Ben, to the tune of 'All You Need is Love': "All you need is blood, all you need is blood. . ."
Anthony: "Violence against women. Where is Parker when you need him?"
Chris: "So then the Brujah -- oops, I mean the guy with the big muscles and leather jacket . . ."
Anthony: "We should go to Kansas and lay low for a while, develop our powers. I could learn how to turn into a cow and a chicken."
Ben: "When one of the Storytellers takes a PC into the other room, it's like going into the woodshed, with a switch. I like it best when they come back, and the other Storyteller says, 'WHAT did you just do?'"
Anthony: "I don't know why I'm looking for Empathy. I think that ability was just erased from my character sheet."
Ben, playing the rabbi: "He jumped out the window? Okay, I jump out the window."
Matt: "You do realize that MY character has some athletic ability?"
Chris: "Okay, I have to sit in the 'bad Storyteller' corner."
Anthony: "We should just take Mobea, Kimmy, Jan and the Tremere, put them all on a desert island . . ."
Ben: " . . . and film a reality-TV series!"
Anthony: "I step inside. Does anything kill me?"
Ben: "Cliff has just become the object of my next generation."
Ben, finding a giant footprint: "Little tiny Malk, big fucking shoe."
Jessica: "February 21 – Parker changes his clothes."
Anthony, shortly after blood-bonding himself to an elder: "Can I have fed?"
Chris, grinning evilly: "Yeah, you've fed."
Anthony: "You've got to work on your poker face!"
Anthony: "Can Max get XP?"
Chris: "We are NOT giving experience to your dog!"
Joe: "Why does my haven say 'Brooklyn apartment'?"
Jessica: "Well, your haven is an apartment in Brooklyn . . ."
Jessica: "I think all players should have a fair chance to botch."
Chris, playing Parker as an NPC: "Unless you want me to slice 'n dice, there's not much I can do about this."
Matt: "I guess I've always assumed Alice was a Brujah because she gets mad really easily."
Jessica: "That's just because you're really annoying."
Jessica: "Before we go on, does anyone else need to use the bathroom?"
Anthony: "I work best under pressure!"
Anthony: "The title of my autobiography is going to be '729 People Have Seen My Wang'."
Isaac: "Cliff walks out thinking, 'Was that a date?'"
Joe: "Hannah walks out thinking, 'I hope he doesn't think that was a date.'"
Chris: "We had a meeting scheduled for 2:30 that happened at 4:45. There was 30 minutes of content and it took an hour and a half."
Isaac: "Is your boss named Robert Jordan?"
Anthony: "Aaaaa, there's a hamster on me!"
Isaac: "Dude, you're such a wimpy Gangrel!"
Jessica: "This is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen."
Joe: "Yeah, I already said 'Ooh, pretty.'"
Anthony, on the elder he is blood-bound to: "Oh, she who is the holy font of disciplines and good things!"
Joe: "Walking toward the center of the room . . ."
Jessica: "Oh Jesus."
Anthony: "Ethan did drugs on Sundays, when everyone else was in church."
Joe: "No offense, but is Malkavian contagious?"
Jessica: "You have . . . tampons soaked in lighter fluid."
Joe: "Should we NOT get involved in a massive combat?"
Anthony: "You know that's never the answer."
Matt: "He messed with Ethan's hair? Ok, I frenzy."
Anthony: "It doesn't surprise me that the best strategy two Gangrel can come up with is 'Well, let's go kick the crap out of her'."
Anthony: "Exploding frisbees of death!"
Anthony: "There are war ghouls lumbering across the Manhattan Bridge. I think the Masquerade is not too important right now!"
Chris: "Nah, they just put them in I Love NY shirts so everyone thinks they're tourists."
Joe: "Cliff's getting weird, can I show up?"
Jessica: "And she's wearing a Gucci leather jacket."
Richard: "Yeah, the leather is from peasants, not from cows."
Rob, about the Soc: "Are the windows barred?"
Jessica: "Well, they're latticed . . . tastefully."
Anthony: "Well, if I made dirty love to my ancestors, I'd be pretty cool."
Isaac: "Since I completely had a brain fart and I forgot that I fought Oliver, can I do that conversation with him over again?"
Isaac: "I get an erection and show it to her."
Anthony: "You have a small penis. Sit."
Anthony: "I like doing manual labor in game, because you don't actually have to do it."
Isaac: "Oh no, I'm drinking out of the 'Thank God I'm Female' cup!"
Anthony, on calling an Elder: "We should just say, 'Hi, is Isabella there? This is a neonate. I have some debt for you.'"
Jessica: "I've been working on my skill at swallowing things."
Jessica: "You are swimming on the surface. After a while a huge dark shape looms above you."
Anthony: "A sea beast!?!?"
Rob: "A boat, you schmuck!"
Rob: ". . . and then I open the trunk with a chicken!"
Anthony: "I leave."
Joe: "Yeah, after imitating an elderly Jewish woman on the phone."
Richard: "I have a mentor. I just didn't realize it was my dog!"
Jessica: "The tub is full of poop. It seems like dog poop."
Chris: "He can identify poop all of a sudden?"
Anthony: "You destroyed a house in Newark. God save the queen!"
Anthony: "Before I leave I set the Tyler's apartment on fire"
Richard: "What?!?"
Jessica: "You notice that the furniture at court is –"
Anthony: "Covered in plastic?"
Rob [referring to Parker and Cliff fighting for Oliver's amusement]: "If we do not fight to the death Kirk they will kill us both. Na na na da-da-da-da"
Story Arc 8
Joe: "I have a humanity of four, thank you very much!"
Richard: "Great, you're almost merely inhuman!"
Anthony: "Mobea was a hurricane. I will be a volcano."
Chris: "If you knock that over again I'm giving you agg damage."
Rob: "Single file, you damn rodents!"
Rob: "I should get willpower every time someone else is paranoid."
Chris: " … age 14 …"
Joe: "Fourteen? Oh no. There is nothing good about Pitt having a dossier on a fourteen year old girl."
Joe: "Parker would be so proud of me. Oh no he wouldn't, I left the family alive."
Chris: "Yeah, and the building unburned!"
Rob: "Killing the girl isn't much of a threat. You already killed her once tonight!"
Jessica: "I've got this great idea for a Malk! He can only use disciplines while he's in bondage."
Rob: "Jessica, how long have you been chasing the dragon?"
Jessica: "You ask Reuben to do your calculus homework. He says, 'How do you bark out root two?'"
Anthony: "Why would it be an old and tattered sock? If it's the only thing you're wearing, it might as well be a brand-new sock!"
Rob: "Welcome to the World of Darkness. Here is your trenchcoat, sir."
Rob: "… pink, fleshy man-tail …"
Rob: "What does Stephen Hawking's aura look like?"
Chris: "Streaked with black!!!"
Jessica: "You're in a dark corner with Stephen Hawking and Noam Elkies. No one else can hear you."
Rob: "But Stephen Hawking has ears like a bat! 'Make me one of you, so I may study physics forever!'"
Isaac: "Who's Natalya?"
Chris: "I think you staked her!"
Jessica: "Would that your urine flows from you as capaciously as your wit!"
Jessica: "Imagine a blowjob … with Potence!"
Story Arc 9
Rob: "There's a vomiting sound on the other end of the line as rancid swamp water spouts out of Kidd's mouth"
Issac: "Parker and Hannah aren't here so there is a chance the sun will rise on a better world."
Issac: "I have a long face because of Vissisitude"
Rob: "Do you actually do that? Because if you do I'll stake you."
Richard [on Montreal by Night]: "There are six elders in the room and they all have level five dominate! Out of clan!"
Anthony: "I'm already practically playing an Assimite."
Chris: "Except for the subtlety and stealth."
Jessica: "I'm sorry Rob, but I just found out you didn't get the Game Lab job."
Rob: "On the plus side I got 38 thousand points in Loop. I played for over an hour."
Isaac: "I met the bishop of Jamaica last week."
Chris: "How many dots of Disciplines did he have."
Jessica: "We'll tell you when you're funny Chris."
Rob: "Do the story arcs have names?"
Chris: "Yea, this ones is called 'The PCs get hosed.' Interestingly enough that is the title of the last story arc too. And the one before that."
Isaac: "The one before that was called, "Cherry Blossoms Bloom."
Dana [visiting non-gamer]: "Which one is the Gangrel?"
Jessica: "That would be Anthony."
Dana: "They pick on you so much!"
Anthony, describing Parker: "I'm sort of the violent, ex-military, guy with a chip on his shoulder."
Julia [Brujah sire]: "[Yells at Cliff for a while]"
Isaac [Brujah chile]: "I hate fuckin' Brujah"
Isaac: "Lucinde has a lot going on in her life right now."
Chris: "And you know this because you had tea with her last week."
Dana: "Whose prom queen around here?"
Anthony and Richard: "Angel!"
Dana: "Damn I thought he was going to die."
Anthony: "Nooooo, there are 'consiquences' to killing people."
Rob: "You're related to Xu? That's funny, you don't look Xuish."
Dana: "So which one is the one Jessie has a crush on"
Chris: "[indicates which one]"
Dana: "Ewwww!"
Jessica: I don't feel like rolling in the cheese!
Matt: "I stand in abject terror."
Isaac: "Are you sure you aren't playing Cliff?"
Matt: "I can drink twelve beers and still be coherent. I'll just pee a lot."
Anthony: "Hang on, I'll be right back. I need to go use the little Brujah's room."
Joe: "Well . . . put her in a freaking bag and skip town!"
Jess: "They went to go do Toreador-Nosferatu things . . ."
Anthony: "Which don't even exist, as far as I know!"
Joe: "Nah, it still turns out to be sex."
Isabella: "I am the Principessa Isabella Artemisia Alberti."
Di Rossi: "Yes, I heard your father purchased a title."
Mobea, as a neonate: "I am Mobea. I am here to bring peace!"
Isaac: "She doesn't need Obfuscate to sneak up on a blind man in a different room!"
Matt: "This is going to end badly."
Joe: "At least we know all our characters are going to survive to become nasty, unscrupulous elders!"
Jessica: "Ok, you pop claws and crawl out of the toilet."
Joe: "I go outside and get my POLE!"
Isaac: "Are you going to ride it?"
Kato: "Can I buy a halfling?"
Sennet: "I use my POLE!"
Sennet: "Do you have anything to defend yourself with?"
Kato: "... Cheese."
Rowen: "I can fuddle his simple mind but why would I waste my magic on him?"
Sennet: "Anybody know if you can eat spider?"